The week has gotten much better now that I've taken care of a few things.
First of all, I had to quit my brand spanking new job at Edible Arrangements. They switched up the hours they wanted me to work and were completely inflexible about it. The owners seemed fairly normal when I first met them, but turned out to be something close to medieval slave drivers. I can't even get in to the kind of nonsense they were asking us to do, but I think it is fair to say that if they continue to run their business in the same manner they are running it now, the labour board will be filing many a complaint about them. Which really sucks, to put it bluntly, because I was excited about that job. But they are too hard to work for.
The second thing is I went to see my doctor about getting on some antidepressants. I have suffered from seasonal depression in the past, and I also have a pretty severe anxiety disorder. Normally I can control the anxiety with proper diet, excersise and some cognitive behavioural therapy. CBT is basically catching anxious thoughts and working to see that they are not rational/real. And when the anxiety is under control, the depression stays at bay. But for the past two months or so I just haven't been feeling like myself. I noticed that I want to do nothing but sleep, eat carbs and stay home. Finn commented a few times right after Christmas that my spark isn't quite as bright as normal. Anyway, long story short I've decided that while I prefer to treat any mental health issue that comes my way with a more holistic approach, sometimes you need to bring in the big guns to help out. Antidepressants usually give me just enough of a boost that I actually feel like eating properly and getting out of the house.
So I feel better today. It's been a very stressful summer/fall since I wasn't working and went on about 3 million interviews with no offers. I was on employment insurance which paid about 55% of what I made every two weeks at my old job. That's a pretty big cut. Finn and I both have some savings and inheritance money and were desperately trying not to dip in to any of it because that's what we will be using as a downpayment on a house once we get married. So it was a lean summer and fall, which contributed to my overall stress level and I think the whole thing resulted in the depression I feel now. I went for a few winters without feeling it, at least not bad enough to need meds, but this year I just can't cope on my own. And since the snow doesn't generally melt here until March/April, it would be a long winter to keep feeling the way I feel now.
Anyway, my other job at the framing place is going really well and even though it's a little confusing (pricing out custom framing can be tricky!) practice makes perfect and I'm sure that in a few months I will have it all down pat. My boss has told me several times that she is pleased with the amount of knowledge I am able to retain and put to use, so tomorrow I am working my first shift all by myself. It's only from 2:30-6, but that is enough time for now. I'll be working short shifts generally, Mon, Wed and alternating Thurs or Fri from 6-9, and then alternating weekends, Sat 2:30-6 and Sun 12-5. So I'll be taking hoem about $400 a month after taxes. I went to an interview on Wednesday at this tax place, whch would only last until April, but I might be able to get full time hours out of that. So at least it would carry us through for a few months, since my employment insurance ends in three weeks. (YIKES!) Then Finn will start working proper full time hours in May when the school term ends, so even if I only worked two part time jobs in the summer, we would be bringing in more than enough to cover costs and put some more away for savings.
Ugh. I hate money worries. I'll be so glad when Finn is done school and starts really working. We both know that we want to have a baby within the first two years of being married, and that I would stay home, assuming we could afford it. Which, if all goes according to plan and Finn continues to get top marks and stays employed with the vet he's with now - we should be able to stick to the plan. The vet he's interning/working for has told him that he would bring Finn on as a partner. Then they would split up the work and Finn would focus on horses while the vet focused on other livestock. And when this vet retires in another five years, the practice would be transferred to Finn. There are no children to pass it along to, and Finn nad the vet have formed quite a bond - so it would be incredibly good if this all happens. That way Finn gets his own practice like he wants, but it's already established in the community.
So many plans, so much work to still be done before we get there. All I can say is thank God my parents have offered to pay for the vast majority of our wedding! It's not going to be a huge elaborate thing anyway, but it's a good feeling to know that we will be able to have a pretty wedding and still be able to keep the money we have saved for a downpayment.
I've just realized I've really ranted on here, lol. For some reason I guess I had a lot to say tonight!